My exclusive interview with Zach Parise

I don't have to tell you how upset I was when I read the words "Parise signs with Minnesota".  We felt a deep sense of abandonment.  It was without a doubt the worst moment to be a Devils fan since Niedermayer left us.  But was it really SO bad to lose him?  7.5 million dollars is as LoneStar put it: "A S***LOAD of money!"  Let's take a look at the facts.  Zach Parise was sort of a playoff bust.  He rarely showed up to games and didn't seem like a great threat to score when he was on the ice.  That's where the Devils needed leadership.  The playoffs.  Now I have been trying to figure out why Zach went to the Wild.  So I set up an interview with Zach Parise one-on-one to get to the bottom of this.

PF&HS: How you doin' today Zach?

Zach Parise: Doin' great.  I just got back golfing with my Daddy.

PF&HS: Well, that's nice.  So Zach let's cut right to the chase.  Can you elaborate on your decision of abandon er I mean... leave New Jersey to go to Minnesota.

ZP: I decided that my parents needed me at home.  Can't ever beat my Mommy's cooking.  She makes the best chicken nuggets ever!  They're Purdue!!!

PF&HS: OK, so you're saying the only reason you signed with the Wild is because you... Like your Mother's-

ZP: (interupts) Mommy's!

PF&HS: sorry, "Mommy's" chicken nuggets?

ZP: Oh no Mr. Pitchfork, I also love the color green!!  It's my favorite crayon in the Crayola box!  This one time I got a Shrek coloring book, and he's green so you can imagine my excitement! So I signed with a team with a green jersey!

PF&HS: You do realize that the home jersey for the Wild is maroon right?

ZP: (puzzled) Next question!

PF&HS: Ok, Zachary, so far you have told me you went to the Wild because you like green and your Mommy's chicken nuggets.  Is there any REAL reason you left?

ZP: Well, I love going on vacation during the Spring.  And going to Minnesota guarantees it!  It'll be nice to just relax during April, May, and June instead of working to get that dinky trophy!

PF&HS: Dinky trophy?

ZP: Yea, it's too heavy.  Weighs like 40 pounds.  I don't really want it anyway.  It's overrated.  I'll get it eventually.  Maybe my son will win it and bring it home or something.

PF&HS: OK, well on that note I think we're just about wrapped up here.  Thanks for joining me Mr. Parise.  We'll miss you in NJ.  Thanks for coming.

ZP: My pleasure!  Hey you need a ride home?  Heatley is picking me up and he can drive you home!

PF&HS: Uhh no thanks!

NO KIDDING IT'S FAKE!  AT LEAST I ADMIT IT!  WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? THE HOCKEY INSIDER?